Ok, so I disappeared for a bit. I have good reason! I have been busy rescuing a pregnant cat just in time for her to have a litter of babies in my home. You can read all about it here. She had them November 25th and that has kept me quite busy, thank you very much.
But let's go back to my last post for a moment, because it was interesting..... my volunteering experience! In a mosque! Yes indeed, I took an old friend up on an offer (see more about the friend in the prior post) and I joined him at his mosque to help feed the masses, by working in a soup kitchen for the day. I even wore a hijab out of respect, and by doing so I gained some insight into the thinking of the Muslim women I worked along side...
First and foremost, it was a wonderful experience. I was very warmly received by everyone and would certainly volunteer there again. I enjoyed myself immensely and welcomed the opportunity to help tear down any misconceptions I may have about Muslims (especially as a Jew). That being said, I was also assumed to be Muslim because of the hijab, and so I saw a candid side to my new Muslim sisters.
At one point in the conversation (while we worked away making sandwiches) one woman was telling another about her job; seems the company she had been working for had recently been taken over by another company, and at that point all the employees were asked if they wished to stay or wanted to be packaged/bought out. So far so good, right? Then she said to her friend that naturally she took the package because she didn't want to work for a Jewish company.
I'm pretty sure my spine stiffened up as I felt the remark tweak me in a weird way. I wouldn't say I was angry.... so much as curious. What would happen if she did work for a "Jewish company"? Did she think she would get 'ripped off' by the Jews, somehow? Did she not like what values said company might have? Did she really dislike Jews THAT much?? I was confused by this statement but decided to simply be an observer to what was going on; I didn't feel like it was my place to start a debate, nor did I particularly care to engage in one. I just found it interesting. She said it so matter-of-fact-ly.... not even with a tone of hate or venom. It just sounded like.... naturally she wouldn't want to work for Jews! Duh!
Then came the time for us all to gather as the homeless and hungry began filing into the hall for their free meal; it was sort of a pep talk and small prayer to Allah all rolled into one. It was interesting to note that the majority of people coming into the mosque to eat were not, in fact, Muslim at all. Causasian... Chinese... all races came through the doors, though mostly Chinese. And one of the young girls (about 13 yrs old) turned to me as these people went by and the dialogue went a little like this:
girl: "Why are the Chinese people here?" me: "Because they're hungry." girl: "We'll feed them even though they're not Muslim??" me: "Yes. I believe the point here today is for you to learn love and tolerance for all races/religions."
And that was the part that struck me as odd about the whole experience; here were these wonderfully giving people.... here to do right by their God and serve humanity..... but they often seemed to be missing the point. It completely baffled me! Work for Jews and feed the Chinese?? Unthinkable!
Like I said, it was a learning experience and I will more than likely do it again. It has enriched my life and outlook and I'm sure there's work to be done still on my own perceptions. At least we were all there for the same reason, and on that day, people didn't have to go hungry.
Before I go, let me share one other interesting thing.... A few days after volunteering at the mosque I was driving around when I accidentally picked up someone else's iPod broadcast on my radio (it can happen when you have it tuned to a certain "blank" station and don't have your own iPod playing.... you hear what someone else is playing if they are driving near you). And what I heard was this song.... and I thought it was really quite catchy and I enjoyed it... and it reminded me of my volunteering time.
A very odd thing is happening to me.... not only am I becoming the happiest I can ever really recall being (thanks to a lifetime of depression) but I seem to have a compulsion recently to.... volunteer. It's just weird.
Ok, volunteering in of itself is not weird. I believe it's a very noble cause and I have always admired those who did. But for me it's weird. I think the only real volunteering I did was in Israel in 2005, where we did some painting, worked a soup kitchen, and I helped at an animal shelter (where I cried and cried because strays are treated with such terrible disregard in Israel). I am admittedly lazy and selfish when it comes to volunteering coz I want my free time to myself to laze about.
But last week I volunteered to take in an abandoned pregnant cat, named Blossom. It defies all logic as I have neither the space nor finances to do so, but I couldn't turn away from the fact that this cat was facing the prospect of raising her babies in a Home Depot. So I took her in and now I'm awaiting the birth of her babies, after which I shall endeavour to find homes for her kittens (won't be difficult) and for her (much more difficult).
And then in my ridiculously happy mood I decided to finally follow up on a promise I made over a year ago to volunteer in a soup kitchen. Not weird right? Now what if I said it was in a mosque? This all came about when I befriended an associate in a Home Depot who was very happy to meet me, especially upon finding out that he knew my brother from when he was a rep like me, travelling and visiting Depots. Whenever I visited this store my new Muslim friend and I would get into fascinating political and spiritual conversations, as only a Jew and a Muslim can. It was a wonderfully open dialogue and a real effort to bridge the gap created by world politics and fanatics making a mess out of things. We asked genuine questions of each and sought real understanding. I *loved* visiting that store if for no other reason than to see my friend.
He has since moved up in the Depot world and no longer works in a store, but in the head office. So I no longer get to speak with him like I used to, but we have made an effort to email each other once in a while. I decided this week that I am finally in a place where I am ready to give back. I have had one of the very worst years of my life and am happy to say that I am coming out the other side of it. And I am better for it.
I'm ready to lend a hand and help others who are still in that dark tunnel. And if working in a soup kitchen this Saturday in a mosque does that, then great. If I happen to learn and gain something from the experience, all the better. I just know that I am looking to practice gratitude for what I have and stop looking at what I don't have or have lost. The glass, as they say, is half full.
people search for the damnedest things... and find ME!
I'd just like to give a shout to the individual who searched for "manurses wild gets eaten" and somehow, by the magic of Google, found me. And to think there were only two hits for that search, and I was the FIRST! What luck!
A second shout out goes to @fatlos4dummies for givin' me props/a mention on her Twitter page! Not sure how you found me, but thanks and welcome!
A funny thing is happening in my life right now..... I'm making some really awesome friends. And there are few reasons why I find this interesting (probably more interesting than you will find it, but I'll do my best to weave this into an interesting story for you...)
Firstly, I have lost a couple of good friends this past few months. That is to say, I know more or less where they are, but for one reason or another they have exited from my life. I find this tends to happen when I hit life changing rough patches in my life; the last time this happened was in 2005. I ended up moving to Israel for 3 months while I sorted myself out. I had this epiphany that there were people in my life that didn't deserve my time and there were those that did and I wasn't giving nearly enough of it to. I examined my friendships, took note of the ones that gave back and the ones that didn't and weeded them out accordingly. For the most part it wasn't hard; the ones I let go were the ones in which *I* had to always make the effort to see them, so all I had to do was stop calling and trying to make plans to see them and it more or less took care of itself. I found this culling of the herd freed my time up to give it to those I really cared about and who really mattered in my life. I also found that ridding myself of energy vampires relieved me of a lot of stress and took a great weight off my shoulders.
Anyway, I accept that this is natural process in life and that it will happen many times over the course of my life. I have friends I have known for 25+ years and I have friends that I have only known a few weeks or months, and then they exited. People come and go in your life, and often leave when you have learned whatever it was that you were supposed to learn from them. I also find that you really do truly find out who your friends are in times of crisis, as I had been over the summer and fall. I just had one of my best friends of 15 or more years, walk away over a misunderstanding on Facebook. FACEBOOK, people! More than anything I think I was just shocked and hurt that a friendship that could last that long was taken down by something so silly as Facebook. I guess it wasn't the friendship I thought it was. And frankly, the timing couldn't have been worse as my stress level was just maxing out as I was closing up the sale of my house, fighting with my ex over finances (which will now go to court) and trying to get ready to move to a new home. I needed that friend's support at that point more than ever but somehow the friendship failed. *sigh*
Ok, I'm digressing. My second point on why this is so fascinating (that I'm making some awesome friends right now), is because it just isn't easy to make friends as an adult. When you're kids in a sandbox or in school, it's easy making friends. But outside of maybe work.... how do adults make friends? And it can be a very awkward thing...
Take my job for example. I am a sales rep, going in and out of Home Depot and Lowe's stores all day. I see the same people every 2 weeks or so and I get to know them very well. I know the names of their husbands, wives, kids... I know what medical tests they are having done.... what pets they have.... the whole thing. And they get to know me too. It's part of my job, but it's also part of my personality. I like my job because I have friends in pretty much every store (and I have 30 stores).
Then one day I was having lunch with one of these store associates and we were really hitting it off. During the course of the conversation she said she would really love for me to meet her husband and kids one day... and I said sure, that would be nice... in that "one day we will" kind of way. She then suggested that we do it that day after work, and I thought.... why not? Here is an opportunity to make a new friend and she is a really cool cat.... so why the heck not? But I gotta tell ya, it's sometimes weird taking it to the next level of friendship... outside of work. Now, I have successfully done this with one or two others before, but it's still weird seeing people outside a work environment. But how else do you make friends as an adult? As a point, I was also kinda employing the "Yes Man" philosophy at that point in my life and was forcing myself to say yes to opportunities I would normally say no to in order to open myself up to more socialization and experiences. As it turns out I had a great time with her family and I can happily add another fabulous friend to my roster. I can tell her anything and I know I have a good friend that I can fully trust. I love it!
And now I have two new friends that I am really enjoying. Both I met online, though one lives in Texas and is too far away to meet in person.... but I have a feeling we'll finally meet one day. And the other is another kindred spirit going through a similar rough patch recently as myself and so we understand each other quite well. We are both slow to warm up to people as we have recently had our trust put in a blender and shredded to bits. Trust comes slow to us both now, but since we're in the same boat, we understand and are patient with each other. It's awesome. I like watching the friendship slowly bloom as we take our time getting to know each other and to build the trust.
So there. I am makin' some new friends and it's making me very happy right now. How do YOU make new friends?
P.S. Will someone who is smarter than me please tell me how to fix my layout so that the damn bullets on the sidebar don't come poking into the main column of my blog? It drives me nuts and I have tried desperately to fix it, but html just isn't my strong suit. Where's My Big Gay Daddy?? You're smart like that!!
Last Halloween I was on top of the world; I had gotten engaged that day and felt ten foot tall and bullet proof. I had the world by the ass, and less than two months later my fiance and I had bought a house and were moving in. I thought my path and my future was set.
This Halloween was spent slugging boxes and moving all my worldly possessions into my new condo. Alone. Much has obviously changed, and I am world's different now than I was even 5 months ago. My heart no longer feels broken by the cheating and lying, just bruised and healing. The crying and sleepless nights have subsided, though I have not gained back the nearly 20 lbs I lost when I stopped eating for almost 2 months. I am in a different dimension from where I was a year ago but a funny thing has happened.... I have found happiness.
Had someone told me even 2 months ago that I would feel happy again this soon I would have told him/her that was simply was impossible. This has been one of the hardest emotional roller coasters I have ever been on, but when I moved into my new home I was reborn. I was so devastated that I had to sell my home because of the breakup of my relationship, but as it turns out, that home was keeping me in a pit of despair that I hadn't even realized I was in. In my new condo I feel energized and positive.... I feel like there are possibilities. A new beginning.
Now the hard work begins. It's time to figure out what it is I need to get things right with myself, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. I cannot let one person damage my faith and trust in people, but that is going to take some mental gymnastics to get past. I need to rebuild my health and wellness, as I have not been taking care of my body. Once fit and strong I now feel skinny and weak.... and vulnerable to illness if I'm not careful.
I'm not sure yet how to go about all this. I've started with a nice big delivery of healthy groceries; I am drinking my GreensPlus in the morning (which I swear by) and made an awesome quinoa-vegetable salad for lunch later. The trick with healthy eating is to keep it up... that will be my biggest challenge. I am *very* lucky that the condo I have moved into has a GYM, complete with Nautilus treadmill, reclined stationary bike, elliptical machine and weight machine! So I need to take advantage of it, especially since practically no one in the building uses it. Bonus!!
I also need to start doing things that are better for my soul.... I am admittedly very addicted to tv and internet. It's time to do some reading instead, and today I happened to stumble upon a blog post that named 10 inspirational books.... and as I read it I thought.... don't I have book #7 on the list? The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle? I went over to the cupboard where I had all my books stored and there it was.... my mother had given it to me *ages* ago to read and I never had. Seems coincidence is trying to get my attention, so I am going to sit down after writing this post and unplug for a bit and do some reading. See if we can't stir the mind and soul a little. Have a peek here if you're curious.
What are you doing to change your life for the better?
Oh the joys of packing and moving, especially given that I just did it 10 months ago. I'm trying to be all zen about it and tell myself this is a fantastic new journey and opportunity but it doesn't exactly wash with me as I pack, compartmentalize, tape and label my life in little brown boxes. Nothing like trying to find a way to pack things and mark them in a way that might allow you to crack the code later, allowing you to find that item again under duress.
I have moved countless times in my life.... indeed this with be my 4th time in the last 3 years alone... but it doesn't make it any easier or fun. I am going through a merciless tossing of crap and have rented a dump bin for a week so I may pare my belongings down to a manageable amount. Going from a house down to a condo with no storage will certainly be a challenge. It helps you dig deep and make decisions about what's really important. It's an interesting experience, I highly recommend it.
I have watched my far share of shows that aim to declutter homes and so I am trying to apply what lessons I have gleaned from these programs. I have a box for garbage, a box for recycling, a box for donations, and then what's left gets packed. It's been liberating and terrifying at the same time, lemme tell ya.
But I am a new woman... I have decided to let go of all my VHS tapes. Yeah, you heard me! and I have my first Blu Ray disc! Bring on the new home!!
Alright, I have to say it. I'm a little surprised by Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Hell, even HE was surprised, which says a lot. Was anyone NOT surprised? I mean, I'm a fan of the guy but even I have to question just what it was he did to earn that already...... hmmm... I could make all kinds of racial speculations, but I think the media has already done a bang up job of that. I'm just going to wait and see him earn that title now..... it's like reverse engineering.
So this morning I laid in bed and watched a documentary call Outrage. It's about the hypocrisy of American politicians who are (closeted) gay but actively campaign against gay rights. It was very interesting and sad all at the same time. It is simply amazing how many people in office are gay and feel the need to hide it (because let's face it, America is a very homophobe nation). I think the most telling comment came at the end when it was said: "If everyone who was in the closet came out.... this movement would be over. This fight would be over". Indeed, if all of the gay politicians came out and spoke up (because there are a great many of them).... who knows what change they could bring. Then again... they'd have to wait until they are in office before coming out... because in America, it's damn hard to get elected if you are gay. It's a sad and frustrating reality.... and I wonder..... will America one day look back on gay rights the same way we look back on woman's rights and the rights of blacks?
My oh my..... what a difference a year can make. *sigh* My life was at the top of the roller coaster this time last year... hands in the air, screaming for joy.... and now I am at the bottom. Life is like that, and I guess that's why I find myself blogging again. I always said that my blog had petered off because it had served it's purpose.. I blogged during a time in my life when I felt the need to share and read other blogs to gain some understanding on perspective on certain topics or aspects of life. Now it is my need to wrap my head around my own life that draws me back...
Last year I had the world by the ass... a new fiance.. just bought my first home... all seemed finally right in my life. At 34 it felt like I had finally found what I was looking for. Ah but it was not to be.. and ten months later I have sold my home and I am packing up and moving to a new home to start all over again. A fresh start on my own..... I'm trying to be as positive as I can.
As I start to rebuild I look back to find the things that have served me well in the past... things that helped me heal my hurts before. And here I am, writing in a blog that most have forgotten about and likely no one is even reading anymore. That's ok... it gives me time to get back in the swing of things and to get my chops back.
To those who have somehow come back to find me here... thanks. I'll see if I can't find a reason to have to come back again... ;-)
Alright, I'm not gonna lie...... I was beyond thrilled that Obama was elected. I dare say I even choked back a tear, I was so happy. And at the risk of getting cursed at, it renewed my very deteriorated faith in Americans. Canada is happy and the world is pretty happy. Did you see the world wide celebrations going on??
Hell, I'm going to go against all political correctness and I'm going to just say what's on my mind; I honestly never in a million years thought Americans would vote in a black (I'm sorry, African-American) president (let ALONE one with a name like Barack Hussein Obama!). I just never thought that bible-belt America, or the deep south, could get past their racist tendencies. And yes, I am well aware that not *everyone* in those areas is racist, but they certainly have histories for being so.
So let me just say congratulations, America. I am impressed and I am proud.
And for those who voted McCain and are railing on about how Obama is going to drive the economy into the ground..... well, I think Bush has already done that. Give your new president as much support as you gave your last, and keep an open mind. The time for change has come, and you have voted accordingly.
